My life is over

Can't believe I get to say this- my baby girl is walking. Not just walking, running actually. I have only been home from work about 3 hours and am exhausted from making sure she doesn't get into anything she isn't supposed to. Or making sure she doesn't try to plug in Jake's reclining chair. Yes, La-Z-Boy has reached a whole new level of laziness...Jake has a recliner that must be plugged in and has buttons to push to recline the chair. And Jennie has taken it upon herself to try to plug in his chair any chance she can. Or she puts the cord in her mouth. Either way, I'm about to throw the chair in the garbage seeing as how Jake never uses it and I'm sick of keeping Jennie away from it. Think he would notice if he came home from work one day and an entire piece of furniture was missing? Judging by the fact that he hasn't noticed all the t-shirts he is missing because no one dude needs well over 200 t-shirts. And he doesn't do laundry. Ever. Yes, Jake had that many when we moved in together nearly 4 years ago. Definitely doesn't have that many now...

But anyways, Jennie Jo is walking. She started the process last week- she would take a few steps here or there with assistance but was still pretty shaky. Fast forward to Saturday morning and I'm pretty sure she just made the decision of "Hey I got this". Because she did have it...ever since Saturday she has been ON THE MOVE. And judging by all the comments I have been getting, apparently my life is over. But wait, those same people told me that same thing when they found out I was pregnant. And those same people said the same thing when Jennie started crawling. And hey, my life did change. But it's definitely not over.

I have been having a really tough time the past few weeks, struggling with the stresses of daily life, the desire to have alone time, and the guilt of wanting alone time. I can honestly say that, other than a few minutes here or there, I haven't had ANY "me" time since July. And I'm the first to admit that I'm not one of those moms who is happy only being a mom. I have to work, I have to have date nights with Jake, and I have to have time to remind myself that yes, I am a person too. I have my own wants and needs. And it doesn't matter how many times people tell you can't feel guilty for leaving Jennie. I'm a mom. Guilt is my middle name now. Especially after the weekend I just had- between Jennie walking, Jennie teething (she is getting two teeth at the same time...ugh), arguments with Jake about certain home improvement projects, and other people in my life not realizing that I don't have time for their shit, I need for it to be Friday already. Jason Aldean & Luke Bryan in St. Louis with a friend of mine who hasn't left my side even after my life was supposed to be over? Yes please! And happy anniversary to you, Erika and LeRoy...here's to many years of happiness, love, laughter!

Here's me and some of my favorite girls in the world. I was 2 weeks away from delivering Jennie Jo and looking like a whale...my feet were HUGE after all the dancing that night, and it was all worth it! :)

Work vs. Life

Ever have one of those days where you wake up thinking "let's make this a great day!" then everything that happens following that thought does its best to prove you wrong? Yep, had a day like that today. And honestly, it was all work related, but because I take work so personal, it really, REALLY bugged me. Ugh. I'm not one of those people who can leave their work at work. I'll fix that one day.

So of course I come home in a bad mood, make dinner, sit down to eat it, and spill an entire plate of pasta all over my lap and chair. Awesome. I'm sitting in said chair and I still smell the sauce...just another thing to clean I guess. Add it to the list, along with laundry, emptying the dishwasher and vacuuming up all the damn dog hair that comes with having 2 huge dogs.

The worst part about all this- my daughter did something today that was so sweet I nearly cried when it happened, but in the split second it did, something else, much more negative eclipsed it (again, work related). I went to pick up Jennie from her classroom, and when I walked in she lifted her arms up in her "pick me up" gesture. When I did, she leaned in for a kiss. Now, by kiss I mean she leaned her head into mine, open mouth, tongue out and pretty much licked me. But she just learned how to "kiss" in the last two or three days. And, of her own will, she wanted to give me a kiss today. As I write this, I'm tearing up mostly because I realize how amazing that is...and how I let some other event from work overshadow its importance. I really do need to learn to not take my work so personally.

In 18 days, Jennie Jo will be one. In 18 days, I'll have a one year old. In 18 days, I'll look back on the last 365 days of my life and realize that even if it wasn't how I wanted it, or had it planned, this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.

Life changing moments

So I have to share this with you all. And feel free to be very jealous.

I went to Wal-Mart last night. By myself.

End of story.

Nobody would understand how epic this was for me if you aren't a parent. Jake forgot to pick up formula on his way home from work last night, so after having dinner with my parents, I realized we needed some.

So I got in the car, without a carseat, diaper bag, or baby, and drove to Wal-Mart. Windows down, radio up...back to my old driving habits (meaning I drove like a mad woman).

I went into Wal-Mart, not needing to get a baby out of a car seat, get a cart, or worry about how I'm going to entertain Jennie in 20 seconds because she is already bored.

I picked up the can of formula, checked out, walked back to my car, and drove home. Again, windows down, radio up.

I seriously feel like I had a vacation last night. And now I'm officially a grown up.

PS- to residents of Rochelle, IL...I'm sorry if I disturbed you. Momma needed to listen to Jason Aldean, REALLY loud last night :)

11 months old

Today, Jennie Jo is 11 months old. In just one month, I will have a one year old. Mommy melt down ensues. And Miss Joyce, her teacher at the daycare, decided to tell me that she is "officially walking at 11 months". Ok, she isn't walking all by herself yet, but can take 3 or 4 steps. Again, another mommy melt down. EVERY parent I know says this- but once you have kids, time flies. You go from pushing out a 7 pound 9 ounce alien-looking thing to catching your 11 month old playing in the toilet water. Yep, happened yesterday morning. She can now say "da da", "ow", "hi" and when you say doggy she says "woof". Guess what? No "momma" yet. Every time I try to get her to say it, she either laughs or says "da da". I know most babies say da da first anyway because it is easier to form with the tongue and lips blah blah blah. I don't care. This girl can have an entire conversation with herself using only da da, fluctuating her voice up and down, enunciating, as in "DA da da dadada DA DA da"...but no momma. Any of you remember the first time your kid(s) said that magic word? The day that happens for me, there will be a blog post for sure!

Anyways, now that Jennie is mobile, life as I know it has changed. I can no longer just put her into her bouncy seat or jumper and wheel her around the house while I clean- now I have to pick her up, carry her into the laundry room or kitchen, speed load the washer or dishwasher, then turn around and chase her down before she tries to put dog food in her mouth or eat Jake's work boots. If I'm lucky, I don't have to carry her...I can call her and coax her on like a dog to follow me..."c'mon Jennie Jo! Come get momma!" Complete with leg patting...ridiculous. At that point, I usually have our two dogs following right along too.

Speaking of doing laundry- Jake, your load of clothes is in the washer still. From Tuesday. The laundry fairy refuses to visit until you re-wash those clothes since they stink from sitting in the washer for well over 48 hours now. Also, after you wash clothes, you have to put them in the dryer or hang them up to dry. Which means when they dry, you have to fold them and put them away. I know it has been a couple of years since you have done a load of laundry, so I wanted to remind you how it works. Again, the laundry fairy is on strike. And pretty soon the dish fairy as well as vacuuming fairy will be too because she is pretty angry about the laundry fairy not visiting.

Bed time fairy is making her rounds...Jennie is asleep, Jake just fell asleep on the couch. Hope she visits me soon :)

When are you ready?

I'm blogging before 10pm...this feels strange. Jennie decided that she only wanted to take one nap today, so she has been out for almost 40 minutes already. I'm hoping she is down for the night, not just taking an extended nap. Waking up at 2am is not my favorite thing to do anymore. Hell, it never was to begin with.

Speaking of 2am wake up calls, I think Jake is missing them. Guess who decided to pop the "are we ready for baby #2?" question on me a while back? Yea, that's right. NOT ME. Jake. Seriously, our relationship roles are so reversed, and apparently daddy has the itch. I knew it would happen sooner or later since he has been having a hard time dealing with fact that he will be a father to a one year old next month. Like, every time I bring up the fact that we need to start planning her birthday party, he changes the subject. But his question has got me thinking about what it's like to have 2 kids. Or 3, or 9, like I want. I'm having an inner battle with myself as we speak- I want a large family, but don't feel ready for our next baby yet. Jake jokes that he is going to get "the cut" after 2 kids, and I say he has to find me more baby-daddies then but how can I want a houseful of kids when I have a heart attack thinking about getting pregnant again? I had such an easy pregnancy with Jennie so that isn't the problem. Although I know alot of my friends who are pregnant right now are having a really hard time (yea Kim, your current pregnancy is scaring the crap outta me!) I guess everything that I'm afraid of is what EVERYONE is afraid with during all of their pregnancies. I think with your first pregnancy, the new-ness of the experience blocks out some of the negative thoughts.

Oh, guess what, Jennie is awake. And crabby. Looks like a long night ahead...

Wordless Wednesday

"Supermom"

I just watched a commercial for Steak-n-Shake that featured a mom driving her kids to the restaurant in a minivan, and she turns into a Cat Woman-looking, bat-out-of-hell-driving badass, complete with a maneuver in which she slides her minivan under a semi, shaving off the top of the vehicle. Then she ends up in front of Steak-n-Shake, all normal looking again, and the masculine voice over comes on: "Mom + Steak-n-Shake" = Supermom.

So, you become a Supermom by putting your kids in danger through reckless driving to get them some of the unhealthiest food on the planet?

Mmmmkkkk. I'll get right on that. I always thought being a supermom meant you can work 40+ hours a week, be home in time to get dinner on the table, get said dinner cleaned up and dishes done, start baths for your kids, all while looking impossibly gorgeous for your husband who is sitting on the couch? Sorry, my bad. I'll go buy a minivan now.

Ever since I became a mom I have despised the term Supermom. Seriously, who can live up to those expectations? I try, trust me...I work 8+ hours everyday, get home, start dinner, change Jennie's diaper and give her a bottle, and do the dishes that somehow, magically, appear from after dinner the night before and the whole day while we are both at work... (*cough cough* Jake, wash your dishes from breakfast please. Also, even though you do sometimes wash your dishes, you have to move the dirty bottles in the sink to do that. Just wash the damn bottles too!) And I do all that before Jake gets home. Like tonight- I made dinner, cleaned up dinner, we both did play with Jennie before bed, I got her pjs on, Jake tried to get her to sleep but she wanted nothing to do with him tonight so I was the one who finally knocked her out. Not literally. Now guess who is sitting here blogging while someone sleeps on the couch? I find it funny that no one has thought to coin the term Superdad. Probably because to be be considered a Superdad, all you have to do is change ONE poopy diaper.

Isn't it crazy how we have come so far when it comes to women's, and mom's, rights, and yet in this day and age, men are still considered "awesome" if they do change ONE diaper? In that case, almost every dad I know can call himself Superdad. But most of us moms struggle to even give ourselves credit in one area- wife, mom, friend, etc. I'm right there with you all, but c'mon, it wouldn't be fair to men if we could do EVERYTHING by ourselves, right? ;) So screw being a Supermom. I want to be the mom my daughter wants me to be. I want to be the mom my daughter just wants, period. She is growing so much by the day, and the independence is killing me. Never thought I would say that, either!