Planning and plotting

One of the hardest things I have had to deal with since becoming a mom is the fact that you can't plan anything. Two reasons- babies don't understand the concept of time, and even if you do get out the door on time, something is bound to screw up your plans. Perfect example from this weekend actually...I had a meeting with a fellow blogger on Saturday morning, and had made plans to go to my parents house for the afternoon. Texted my mom and said I would be there around 12 or 12:30. My meeting got done right as I expected it to at 11:30, so I start getting the diaper bag, car seat, my purse, everything, ready to go. I get the diaper bag and my purse over my shoulder, get Jennie in her car seat on my arm, and get out the door into the garage. Crap! I just realized I have to pee. Then I get to thinking as I head back inside, that I hadn't peed since the night before. So I put my purse, the diaper bag and Jennie down and run to the bathroom. Do my business. Get all loaded up again, going through the garage, throw Jennie up into the truck. As I buckle the car seat in, I smell something. Crap! Literally...Jennie pooped. Back inside...and of course it would be the kind of poop that I have to change her whole outfit because both her shirt and pants were ruined. A new outfit and 12 wipes later, I load her and her stuff up again. Back in the truck, and at this point I realize I should probably check what time it is. It's 12:45. And it doesn't matter that all I was doing was going to my parents- I hate being late. But that's another thing you get over when you have a baby. You're either late to everything, or super early because you allotted way too much time to get ready.

Another thing you realize when you become a parent is that it's never just one thing that goes wrong. It's a domino effect, which eventually leads into Murphy's Law. And I take everything personally so anything that does go wrong makes me think it's all my fault and I start kicking myself. You can do better than that...you should have done this instead of that...how could you let this happen? It all runs through my head. Can't help it, but usually after it's all said and done, it's never as bad as I think it was. I have been feeling kind of down on myself for the past few days. Then Jake showed me a picture our friend, and my fellow co-worker, took of Jennie today, and it hit me- if I am such a bad mom, how come my daughter looks so happy here? Thanks Amber...it's the little things :)

One foot on the ground

Again, I know that as soon as I post this, it's all going to go to He**, but Jennie Jo has been sleeping through the night (like 10pm- 7am) for the past couple weeks. She does wake up about once a night to fuss, but always puts herself back to sleep. And you don't realize how valuable sleep is as a resource until you go without it. For days on end. While dealing with a fussy, teething, drooling, crabby beast. For now, I have forgotten that side of my daughter. And I will blame ALL of you if "the beast" shows up soon.

While reading a parenting magazine one day, I came across this question- "what is the worst thing you have ever done while sleep deprived?" For me, I think the right answer is drive. Seriously, they say driving while tired is worse than drunk driving. Which means 90% of the people on the road right now are out to kill you. Just kidding, but think about it. EVERY parent is sleep deprived, because as one mom of teenagers I know put it- "when I go to bed, I have one eye open and one foot on the ground". Even if all your kids are grown, sleeping tight in bed, you never know what's going to happen. Honestly, I guess I sleep like that too. Every fuss Jennie makes on the monitor, I sit straight up in bed and prepare myself to be awake for the next two hours. Hasn't happened in a couple of weeks, and again, it's your fault if it does.

On another note- my daughter is about to start walking. She is going to be a walking, talking toddler soon. She is going to be one soon. Yep, mini-mom-meltdown about to happen. I used to make fun of all those moms who were like "my baby is growing up"... I have turned into one of those moms. It happens. You think you won't be like that? Talk to me in 2 years when your child is about to turn one, and you still clearly remember the day you found out you were pregnant, and you cried because you didn't want it happening to you.

Don't ask me when the next cupcake is going to begin baking either. Just when I get to sit down and enjoy a couple of bites of the finished product, and you want me back in the kitchen? You must have one foot in the grave...

10 months ago

10 months ago...
I gave birth to the most beautiful girl in the world. I realized from the moment I found out I was pregnant, up until I went into labor, that motherhood can't be planned or plotted. It happens when it is supposed to, and that's all there is to it. 10 months ago, I knew immediately who would still remain my friend after I became a mom. Those who were at that hospital with me at any point are still in my life. Others have left, and that's ok. 10 months ago, my relationship with Jake changed. Years of just being together didn't matter anymore. We are now connected forever by a little girl. No piece of paper, no ring on our finger, no matter. She is living, breathing proof of our love for each other. 10 months ago, I realized that I don't matter anymore. My wants and needs aren't even secondary, they aren't even considered in my day to day life. She is my alarm clock in the morning, and I fall asleep listening to her sighs and breathing over the baby monitor every night. 10 months ago, I found out that it is possible to love someone more than words can say.
Jennie Jo Johnson, my cupcake :)...10 months old