Monday, July 30, 2012
Another thing you realize when you become a parent is that it's never just one thing that goes wrong. It's a domino effect, which eventually leads into Murphy's Law. And I take everything personally so anything that does go wrong makes me think it's all my fault and I start kicking myself. You can do better than that...you should have done this instead of that...how could you let this happen? It all runs through my head. Can't help it, but usually after it's all said and done, it's never as bad as I think it was. I have been feeling kind of down on myself for the past few days. Then Jake showed me a picture our friend, and my fellow co-worker, took of Jennie today, and it hit me- if I am such a bad mom, how come my daughter looks so happy here? Thanks Amber...it's the little things :)
Thursday, July 26, 2012
While reading a parenting magazine one day, I came across this question- "what is the worst thing you have ever done while sleep deprived?" For me, I think the right answer is drive. Seriously, they say driving while tired is worse than drunk driving. Which means 90% of the people on the road right now are out to kill you. Just kidding, but think about it. EVERY parent is sleep deprived, because as one mom of teenagers I know put it- "when I go to bed, I have one eye open and one foot on the ground". Even if all your kids are grown, sleeping tight in bed, you never know what's going to happen. Honestly, I guess I sleep like that too. Every fuss Jennie makes on the monitor, I sit straight up in bed and prepare myself to be awake for the next two hours. Hasn't happened in a couple of weeks, and again, it's your fault if it does.
On another note- my daughter is about to start walking. She is going to be a walking, talking toddler soon. She is going to be one soon. Yep, mini-mom-meltdown about to happen. I used to make fun of all those moms who were like "my baby is growing up"... I have turned into one of those moms. It happens. You think you won't be like that? Talk to me in 2 years when your child is about to turn one, and you still clearly remember the day you found out you were pregnant, and you cried because you didn't want it happening to you.
Don't ask me when the next cupcake is going to begin baking either. Just when I get to sit down and enjoy a couple of bites of the finished product, and you want me back in the kitchen? You must have one foot in the grave...
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
10 months ago...
I gave birth to the most beautiful girl in the world. I realized from the moment I found out I was pregnant, up until I went into labor, that motherhood can't be planned or plotted. It happens when it is supposed to, and that's all there is to it. 10 months ago, I knew immediately who would still remain my friend after I became a mom. Those who were at that hospital with me at any point are still in my life. Others have left, and that's ok. 10 months ago, my relationship with Jake changed. Years of just being together didn't matter anymore. We are now connected forever by a little girl. No piece of paper, no ring on our finger, no matter. She is living, breathing proof of our love for each other. 10 months ago, I realized that I don't matter anymore. My wants and needs aren't even secondary, they aren't even considered in my day to day life. She is my alarm clock in the morning, and I fall asleep listening to her sighs and breathing over the baby monitor every night. 10 months ago, I found out that it is possible to love someone more than words can say.
Jennie Jo Johnson, my cupcake :)...10 months old