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Monday, September 10, 2012

My life is over

Can't believe I get to say this- my baby girl is walking. Not just walking, running actually. I have only been home from work about 3 hours and am exhausted from making sure she doesn't get into anything she isn't supposed to. Or making sure she doesn't try to plug in Jake's reclining chair. Yes, La-Z-Boy has reached a whole new level of laziness...Jake has a recliner that must be plugged in and has buttons to push to recline the chair. And Jennie has taken it upon herself to try to plug in his chair any chance she can. Or she puts the cord in her mouth. Either way, I'm about to throw the chair in the garbage seeing as how Jake never uses it and I'm sick of keeping Jennie away from it. Think he would notice if he came home from work one day and an entire piece of furniture was missing? Judging by the fact that he hasn't noticed all the t-shirts he is missing because no one dude needs well over 200 t-shirts. And he doesn't do laundry. Ever. Yes, Jake had that many when we moved in together nearly 4 years ago. Definitely doesn't have that many now...

But anyways, Jennie Jo is walking. She started the process last week- she would take a few steps here or there with assistance but was still pretty shaky. Fast forward to Saturday morning and I'm pretty sure she just made the decision of "Hey I got this". Because she did have it...ever since Saturday she has been ON THE MOVE. And judging by all the comments I have been getting, apparently my life is over. But wait, those same people told me that same thing when they found out I was pregnant. And those same people said the same thing when Jennie started crawling. And hey, my life did change. But it's definitely not over.

I have been having a really tough time the past few weeks, struggling with the stresses of daily life, the desire to have alone time, and the guilt of wanting alone time. I can honestly say that, other than a few minutes here or there, I haven't had ANY "me" time since July. And I'm the first to admit that I'm not one of those moms who is happy only being a mom. I have to work, I have to have date nights with Jake, and I have to have time to remind myself that yes, I am a person too. I have my own wants and needs. And it doesn't matter how many times people tell you can't feel guilty for leaving Jennie. I'm a mom. Guilt is my middle name now. Especially after the weekend I just had- between Jennie walking, Jennie teething (she is getting two teeth at the same time...ugh), arguments with Jake about certain home improvement projects, and other people in my life not realizing that I don't have time for their shit, I need for it to be Friday already. Jason Aldean & Luke Bryan in St. Louis with a friend of mine who hasn't left my side even after my life was supposed to be over? Yes please! And happy anniversary to you, Erika and's to many years of happiness, love, laughter!

Here's me and some of my favorite girls in the world. I was 2 weeks away from delivering Jennie Jo and looking like a feet were HUGE after all the dancing that night, and it was all worth it! :)

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Work vs. Life

Ever have one of those days where you wake up thinking "let's make this a great day!" then everything that happens following that thought does its best to prove you wrong? Yep, had a day like that today. And honestly, it was all work related, but because I take work so personal, it really, REALLY bugged me. Ugh. I'm not one of those people who can leave their work at work. I'll fix that one day.

So of course I come home in a bad mood, make dinner, sit down to eat it, and spill an entire plate of pasta all over my lap and chair. Awesome. I'm sitting in said chair and I still smell the sauce...just another thing to clean I guess. Add it to the list, along with laundry, emptying the dishwasher and vacuuming up all the damn dog hair that comes with having 2 huge dogs.

The worst part about all this- my daughter did something today that was so sweet I nearly cried when it happened, but in the split second it did, something else, much more negative eclipsed it (again, work related). I went to pick up Jennie from her classroom, and when I walked in she lifted her arms up in her "pick me up" gesture. When I did, she leaned in for a kiss. Now, by kiss I mean she leaned her head into mine, open mouth, tongue out and pretty much licked me. But she just learned how to "kiss" in the last two or three days. And, of her own will, she wanted to give me a kiss today. As I write this, I'm tearing up mostly because I realize how amazing that is...and how I let some other event from work overshadow its importance. I really do need to learn to not take my work so personally.

In 18 days, Jennie Jo will be one. In 18 days, I'll have a one year old. In 18 days, I'll look back on the last 365 days of my life and realize that even if it wasn't how I wanted it, or had it planned, this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.