9:00-9:30pm- Seriously, how are you still reading this?!

8:50pm- What the hell is this black cloud my doctor speaks of?! Nurse Jenny says, "No, we are NOT going to talk about it". But of course, you guys brought it up, and now we all want to know. Dr. Khalek explains that my head nurse, Nurse Jenny, hasn't had a vaginal delivery since May. May?! It's the end of September! Every birth she has been present for has been in the O.R. because it has had to go to c-section. Not that she has done anything wrong....it's just been her luck that she hasn't had a vaginal delivery. My heart drops. Another sign pointing to what I know is coming, but don't want to happen: a c-section.

9:00pm- Pushing...counting to 10, take a breath, count to 10 again. It's getting harder and harder to push all the way to 10. Making it to 7 or 8 is tough. And all I keep hearing is "Look at all that hair!" My baby girl is so close to making her debut, but my body wasn't letting her out yet. Add another tally to the "bad mom" column...add even more guilt to my plate. Nurse Jenny calls 2 more nurses in for ideas on how to get this baby out. An older one suggest playing tug of war. Huh?! I have to hold on to one end of a towel while she pulls the other, and push as hard as I can against her for 10 seconds. My mom has one leg and Jake's mom has the other leg still, Jake is at my head, supporting my neck. I do this 4 or 5 times...no progress.

9:10pm- More rounds of pushing. My stomach is starting to get upset but I don't say anything. I just figure I'm getting stressed out from thinking about what will happen if I can't push Jennie out. "Look at all that hair!" I'm gonna punch the next person that says that. Tug of War hasn't helped. A young nurse (I swear she was only 16 years old) suggests laying on my side, one leg in the air and try pushing that way. So, exhausted as I was, I switch positions from my back to my left side. Right knee comes up to my chest, and I push. And push. And push. No progress. Jennie ain't moving.

9:20pm- Tug of War and laying on my side hasn't done a thing. At this point, I have a doctor, 3 nurses, Jake, my mom, and Jake's mom all in the room with me. And also by this time, I'm barely making it to 6 or 7 in my counts while pushing. The nurses and my doctor are all arguing over which positions and strategies are best for helping this baby out. Nurse Jenny calls another nurse in for more suggestions. Nurse Jenny doesn't like any of them- back to standard ol' pushing. But this time, she wants Daddy Jake to hold on to my leg. Ummmm, I don't think so. I don't want Jake to see my business down there. But she insists. Then says "I'm gonna use my hand to guide her head out"...so she slides her hand in me and I can feel her touching Jennie's head. Grossed out yet? Nurse Jenny counts to 10, and while I'm pushing I can feel her trying to coax Jennie out...relax, count to 10 again. Starting to feel nauseous. Still not saying anything about it.

9:25pm- Nurse Jenny asks for help from 2 other nurses. While Nurse Jenny has one hand on Jennie's head, the 2 other nurses get on either side of me, and "hold me open" with their hands while I push. Don't get what I'm trying to say? 3 nurses' hands inside me at one time. Think about it like trying to hold elevator doors open. Had no idea that was even possible. Barely making it to 5 in my counts before feeling like giving up. That chicken broth and strawberry jell-o I had for lunch isn't sounding like such a good idea anymore...

A scale of 1 to 10

1 pm- So I have just finished my lunch (chicken broth and Jell-O, and it was amazing by the way) and am pushing my tray away from the bed when I feel a little something. Like I said before, nothing bad, just more of an annoyance. The nurse comes in to take my tray and notices my look of discomfort. She asks if I'm ready for an epidural yet (hell no...I don't want one!)and how bad the pain is on a scale of 1-10 (10 being unbearable)- I say around a 4. She then asks where I would have to be on the scale to consider an epidural. Can someone please explain to me the value of trying to gauge your pain on a number scale? I had no idea what to answer, so I said an 8 or 9. She leaves with my lunch tray and I lay back in the bed.

1:15- ouch. That one hurt a little. Pain is around a 5 or 6.

1:30- Ok, ummmm OUCH. I'm turning into one of those moms in labor on tv who is squeezing her significant other's hand and wincing. And I hate that I'm doing it but can't help it. It f'-ing hurts! But no epidural. I have heard so many horror stories about them that I'm more scared of the pain of it than the pain of labor. Pain is a 6 or 7.

1:45- One word- F**K!! I'm shaking every time there's a contraction, I'm getting sleepier by the minute, and no matter how I lay I can't get comfortable. I give up on Jake's hand- I have both bedrails in a death grip. I couldn't figure out why I was so tired until later (duh...it's called labor for a reason. My body was working, and working HARD) and everyone kept saying "just close your eyes and rest". How the hell am I supposed to rest when I'm in so much pain? Around this time, I begin to think- "I won't have the energy to deliver if I keep trying to suck it up now" and I seriously begin to consider the epidural. At this point, the pain is at least a 7, if not 8.

2pm- I'm laying on my side, tears in my eyes, shaking, when the nurse comes in to check on me again. She takes one look at me and asks "how's that epidural sounding right now?" I can't even answer with a word. All I can do is nod while my knuckles go white on the bedrail beside me. The pain is so bad I want to throw up, but I also HATE vomiting, so I take as deep of breaths as I can to calm my nerves. The nurse calls the doctor in and says it's time to prepare for the epidural. More tears on my part, but everyone around me says "there's nothing wrong with it". Yes there is. I DIDN'T WANT ONE. I felt like I was wimp-ing out on something that is supposed to be natural. Women have done it for thousands of years without the choice, so why couldn't I?

**To this day, I have no idea what happened in that one short hour. I went from not feeling a thing to the worst pain of my life in 60 minutes. From talking with other moms, I think this was a pretty rare experience. Most moms I know say their pain progressed fairly even throughout the labor process. If I haven't scared you off yet, I hope you'll continue reading tomorrow, when I talk about the rest of my labor up until the point of delivery :)