1 pm- So I have just finished my lunch (chicken broth and Jell-O, and it was amazing by the way) and am pushing my tray away from the bed when I feel a little something. Like I said before, nothing bad, just more of an annoyance. The nurse comes in to take my tray and notices my look of discomfort. She asks if I'm ready for an epidural yet (hell no...I don't want one!)and how bad the pain is on a scale of 1-10 (10 being unbearable)- I say around a 4. She then asks where I would have to be on the scale to consider an epidural. Can someone please explain to me the value of trying to gauge your pain on a number scale? I had no idea what to answer, so I said an 8 or 9. She leaves with my lunch tray and I lay back in the bed.
1:15- ouch. That one hurt a little. Pain is around a 5 or 6.
1:30- Ok, ummmm OUCH. I'm turning into one of those moms in labor on tv who is squeezing her significant other's hand and wincing. And I hate that I'm doing it but can't help it. It f'-ing hurts! But no epidural. I have heard so many horror stories about them that I'm more scared of the pain of it than the pain of labor. Pain is a 6 or 7.
1:45- One word- F**K!! I'm shaking every time there's a contraction, I'm getting sleepier by the minute, and no matter how I lay I can't get comfortable. I give up on Jake's hand- I have both bedrails in a death grip. I couldn't figure out why I was so tired until later (duh...it's called labor for a reason. My body was working, and working HARD) and everyone kept saying "just close your eyes and rest". How the hell am I supposed to rest when I'm in so much pain? Around this time, I begin to think- "I won't have the energy to deliver if I keep trying to suck it up now" and I seriously begin to consider the epidural. At this point, the pain is at least a 7, if not 8.
2pm- I'm laying on my side, tears in my eyes, shaking, when the nurse comes in to check on me again. She takes one look at me and asks "how's that epidural sounding right now?" I can't even answer with a word. All I can do is nod while my knuckles go white on the bedrail beside me. The pain is so bad I want to throw up, but I also HATE vomiting, so I take as deep of breaths as I can to calm my nerves. The nurse calls the doctor in and says it's time to prepare for the epidural. More tears on my part, but everyone around me says "there's nothing wrong with it". Yes there is. I DIDN'T WANT ONE. I felt like I was wimp-ing out on something that is supposed to be natural. Women have done it for thousands of years without the choice, so why couldn't I?
**To this day, I have no idea what happened in that one short hour. I went from not feeling a thing to the worst pain of my life in 60 minutes. From talking with other moms, I think this was a pretty rare experience. Most moms I know say their pain progressed fairly even throughout the labor process. If I haven't scared you off yet, I hope you'll continue reading tomorrow, when I talk about the rest of my labor up until the point of delivery :)