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Friday, March 2, 2012

Good luck

2pm- The nurse is checking my vitals, and I'm in intense pain. Like wanna scream curse words at the top of my lungs, but can't because I'm in too much pain to even speak. Shaking, holding onto the bedrails, and just want to take a nap but that isn't possible with how I'm feeling. How can that be, when just an hour ago I was sitting up, eating lunch and joking with Jake and our parents? As the nurse is checking me, she asks what number on the pain scale I'm feeling (seriously, dumbest thing ever. Can't I just say "it f'ing hurts!") I tell her probably an 8, if not a 9. My threshold was an 8. I knew what that meant. I couldn't put it off any longer.

2:30pm- I agree to an epidural.

2:31pm- Guilt. The guilt of not being able to do it myself. Having an epidural was one of two things I knew I didn't want to happen during my labor (a c-section the other thing). The guilt of feeling like I am a bad mom already, and Jennie's not even here yet. Guilt is a daily, hourly, by the minute struggle for most moms (and parents). You are forced to make decisions on behalf of someone else, not knowing how it will affect them later. Guilt will haunt you the rest of your life after you become a parent.

3pm- The anesthesiologist has come in and begins preparing for my epidural. My nurse and him both can see I'm not comfortable with it. The horror stories of how bad it hurts are the one and only reason I didn't want one. The anesthesiologist is walking me through the steps, and I can't remember if I asked everyone else to leave the room, or if they did it of their own will. I was left by myself with him and the nurse. And I prepared myself for more pain. He tells me he can do it in between contractions which are coming about every 2-3 minutes now- he says to just let him know when one is finishing, and he will start. I say ok, wait for the horrible wrenching and twisting of my belly to stop, and tell him it's fine to start.

3:30pm- 3 pricks. That's all it was. 3 damn pricks, and now I'm feeling nothing below my ribs. I went through nearly 90 minutes of the worst pain of my life, because I was afraid of 3 measly pin pricks? What the hell was everyone complaining about?! Literally, I feel NOTHING. Everyone is back in the room and already commenting on how much better I look. I feel so much better too, obviously, because I can now try to rest and prepare for the arrival of my baby girl.

4pm- The doctor checks my cervix (and the exam doesn't hurt! yay! I can feel her hand inside me, but not the pain I experienced before during her exams) and I'm at 5cm. Halfway there!

6pm- 8cm dilated. No pain. Amazing!

6-7pm. I honestly don't remember much from between 4-7pm. I think my friend Amber came to see me, but I can't remember. I'm sure I was napping. I remember the doctor saying I was 8cm dilated around 6pm, and saying I needed to start thinking about who I wanted in the room for the actual delivery. I was allowed Jake and 2 other people. My mom and Jake's mom were the only ones interested in staying (whodathunk our dads wanted nothing to do it?!)

7pm- Shift change for the nurses, and my new nurse's name is Jenny. Good luck, right? Same doctor though, which I'm thankful for.

Jake and me, right before I started the delivery process. Lookin' a hot mess, but I didn't care. my baby girl was going to be here soon!


  1. I love reading people's birth stories. I didn't have my personal blog when I gave birth (in 12 days it will be a year since I had my daughter - craziness!) but I did write my story so I will have to post it on my blog. I think I'm going to go do that right now. Thank you for the inspiration. :)

    I'm following you from the voiceBoks group. I'm following you through GFC.

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend!


  2. I remember being in such pain when I was in labor with my first baby that all my fears about an epidural were gone and I would have taken it in the eye if I had too! And, then the relief was just perfect!! Great story! Can't wait for the next part!!

  3. I was so happy to get the epidural... Bring it on, I begged!! Can't wait to read more!

  4. I found that question the most difficult - "where are you on the pain scale?" - I was never really sure how much further it could go!
    Thanks for sharing your story here,
    Kristina :)