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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

It's not about what YOU want anymore

I have had to learn the hard way that when raising a child, it doesn't matter what you want or how you think you want to raise him or her. I had these grand ideas about breast feeding, not letting her watch TV, not being "that" mom, and other well-intended notions. But slowly, all these ideas have gone to the curb.

Breast feeding- I give all the credit in the world to moms who have breast fed successfully. I wanted to so bad- I know it is the best way for your child to get what she needs, it's so much cheaper, etc. And I successfully breast fed all 3 days in the hospital. But as soon as we came home, my boobs just stopped working. Whether it was stress, poor nutrition (I'm pretty sure I didn't eat at all the first two days I was home), or just simply that my body couldn't do it anymore, I had to make the decision to switch to bottle feeding. It broke my heart...the guilt of being a bad mom started right then and there (and guilt is a whole other post too). I was able to pump for a few days after, but wasn't getting near enough to support Jennie's ferocious appetite. My guilt has slowly eased, but there are still times while feeding her I can't help but feel like I could have done more.

Not being "that" mom- we all know "that" mom. The one who doesn't want her child exposed to curse words.  The one who runs to the E.R. every time her child has the slightest sniffle. I swore to myself I would never be like that, but again, what you want doesn't matter. Something changes inside you immediately after having a baby and even after you don't do the things I just listed doesn't mean you aren't that mom still. I had my first mom moment on New Year's Eve. Jake and some friends were playing beer pong out in the garage, and when I went out to see how the game was going, it took every ounce of me not to freak out- Jake had let our friends smoke in the garage (with the cars inside and garage doors shut too). All I wanted to do was scream "now my car is going to have cigarette smoke in it and my baby is not breathing that sh** in!!" But I didn't- I did say something to Jake loud enough for all to hear, but Momma Lion wanted to pounce. Brace yourself for that moment people...

When you become a parent, you automatically give up all of your free time, your social life, your sleep, and pretty much everything else you value without a child. If you don't have a child of your own right now, enjoy everything YOU want to do- pretty soon, no one will care about what you want anymore :)

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